The other day I was sitting with the kids watching television, some child friendly show apparently, where the teenagers all run around with problems that they end up dealing with by themselves in the space of 1/2 hour. The kids were mesmorised but I started thinking if this was what i wanted for my kids to learn.
These shows never have the adult in the place of responsibility. They are absent and void and the kids have to work out their problems for themselves. By allowing my kids to watch these shows am I saying that if you have a problem the last person you should be speaking to is me. I always thought that if they had a problem then they would seek me out. They would be able to talk to me, they would see me as a way of solving the issues that they were having. This got me thinking are the adults and parents of the world becoming invalid in the lives of their children?
My son has started to do this. He comes home with a problem, we walk the dogs and hash out solutions. Not that any of the solutions I offer up are really go ing to work but at least he is talking to me about what is going on in his life. I am hoping that this sets up a life long situation where he will always come to me, that he will always see me as a way of being able to solve his solutions. That he wont take the way out that these kids take and not involve the one or two people in their lives that would be able to offer solutions of some description.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Love Gone Wrong
What happens to the love that we felt when the love is all wrong?
Who says that we are no longer allowed to love someone in the hope that the feelings will miraculously just stop? I mean think about it, when you go on a diet you dont just suddenly stop wanting junk food. You don't just stop wanting chocolate, or Maccas or what ever it is that is your ultimate choice of junk. You know that you are not allowed to want this food, you know that when you eat it you feel awful but you also know that you will never be able to live without it completely.
Is this what happens when love goes wrong? On some normal level you know that it is not good for you but that doesn't stop you wanting it just the same.
Let me give you an example:
My friend is able to break up with someone and then never talk to them again. When she realises that they have a flaw that is that, they are gone and she doesn't think about them or talk to them. She believes that when you make the break then you need to ensure that it is a clean break. A break that has no rugged edges and that is crystal clear to all invloved. Im impressed with her resolve, I just wish that mine was just as good.
When I break up with someone I love I still want them around. I dont know if this is punishment for myself or for them. I want to hold on to them, even when it punishes my heart. I think about them constantly and I want to know why they dont feel about me what they use to. I mean if they love you to, where did that love go? Did it run away, or did it fall down the back of the bed in the hope that you would find it when you are cleaning the floor?
The other problem is that when I break up with someone I want to keep these people as my friend. That's a funny concept I know. I mean obivously something was wrong and that is why we are not really together any more. But really if we were friends to start with, why can't we be friends now? Am I not friendship material or am I just a reminder of their failure to have a successful relationship?
All of this got me thinking the other day..............relationships are obviously some persons mean and nasty way of making us think that we should really not be by ourselves, even when ourselves are the best person to have a relationship with.
Who says that we are no longer allowed to love someone in the hope that the feelings will miraculously just stop? I mean think about it, when you go on a diet you dont just suddenly stop wanting junk food. You don't just stop wanting chocolate, or Maccas or what ever it is that is your ultimate choice of junk. You know that you are not allowed to want this food, you know that when you eat it you feel awful but you also know that you will never be able to live without it completely.
Is this what happens when love goes wrong? On some normal level you know that it is not good for you but that doesn't stop you wanting it just the same.
Let me give you an example:
My friend is able to break up with someone and then never talk to them again. When she realises that they have a flaw that is that, they are gone and she doesn't think about them or talk to them. She believes that when you make the break then you need to ensure that it is a clean break. A break that has no rugged edges and that is crystal clear to all invloved. Im impressed with her resolve, I just wish that mine was just as good.
When I break up with someone I love I still want them around. I dont know if this is punishment for myself or for them. I want to hold on to them, even when it punishes my heart. I think about them constantly and I want to know why they dont feel about me what they use to. I mean if they love you to, where did that love go? Did it run away, or did it fall down the back of the bed in the hope that you would find it when you are cleaning the floor?
The other problem is that when I break up with someone I want to keep these people as my friend. That's a funny concept I know. I mean obivously something was wrong and that is why we are not really together any more. But really if we were friends to start with, why can't we be friends now? Am I not friendship material or am I just a reminder of their failure to have a successful relationship?
All of this got me thinking the other day..............relationships are obviously some persons mean and nasty way of making us think that we should really not be by ourselves, even when ourselves are the best person to have a relationship with.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Expectations
Its funny when we build something up in our mind. The way we think about something constantly and have wishes and dreams about what it should be like and then reality hits and you realise that what you thought was not actually what was going to happen.
You build things up in your mind until you have every part of the conversation down, every gesture known and every second played out. You dream about it in advance and it consumes your every waking moment and then the time passes and nothing is the same as it was before.
I have come to realise that these moments are only moments in your mind. That real life is never going to play out the way that you want and that nothing is ever going to change that.
Not that I dont like real life. I love it, the way it comes up and hits you in the face when you least expect it, it reminds you that nothing is as you think. I love my life, well most of the time. I love the friends that I have and my children. I love my family and the way that my life plays out on a day to day basis.
But what I dont like is when someone has you believe something because they havent told you the whole truth. The haven't told you that your expectations are about to be shattered. They haven't told you that what you want from them is just not going to happen. They haven't told you the whole truth but have let you place expectations on what you think is going to happen.
So while my life is great in some ways, I can only hope that in the future these expectations will not lead me astray again. I am going to listen to what people are saying rather than just what i want them to be saying, that way I wont be let down again.
You build things up in your mind until you have every part of the conversation down, every gesture known and every second played out. You dream about it in advance and it consumes your every waking moment and then the time passes and nothing is the same as it was before.
I have come to realise that these moments are only moments in your mind. That real life is never going to play out the way that you want and that nothing is ever going to change that.
Not that I dont like real life. I love it, the way it comes up and hits you in the face when you least expect it, it reminds you that nothing is as you think. I love my life, well most of the time. I love the friends that I have and my children. I love my family and the way that my life plays out on a day to day basis.
But what I dont like is when someone has you believe something because they havent told you the whole truth. The haven't told you that your expectations are about to be shattered. They haven't told you that what you want from them is just not going to happen. They haven't told you the whole truth but have let you place expectations on what you think is going to happen.
So while my life is great in some ways, I can only hope that in the future these expectations will not lead me astray again. I am going to listen to what people are saying rather than just what i want them to be saying, that way I wont be let down again.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Family History
I have recently started researching my family history.
Its a great way to pass plenty of time. I mean you start with a name and you try and work out who is related to you and then you get stuck and have to try a different track. It can take you hours to work out and you end up with so much paper work. But I have found some really interesting facts.
To begin with, one of my relatives died when she had an illegal abortion that went horribly wrong. The woman who did the abortion was subject to two years hard labour after being found guilty of using an illegal instrument inside a body. There was a Coroners hearing and everything. I some how think that at 17, she should probably have gotten married and just had the baby, but instead due to the family and societal attitudes at the time, this young girl died in the prime of her life. Today she would have been allowed to have the baby and just be a single mum, but back then she would have been shunned.
Some of my relatives died before they even started life. Lots of infant mortality, people had big families because some of them died before they even reached 5. It reminded me a lot of Charles Dickens and the lives that he wrote about. Couples having large families so that there was someone to look after them in their old age. Makes sense then, but now, isn't that what the government is for?
Family history is an interesting way to understand your place in the world. But I am learning something more valuable than just names on a page. People are only that - names on a page - until their stories come to life. The young girl who died after an abortion, the kids who dont make the age of 5. The way that people lived and what they did for a living. It makes me keep wondering who is the world before me. What were these people like and am I anything like them? Who knows, but I can't wait to find out......
Its a great way to pass plenty of time. I mean you start with a name and you try and work out who is related to you and then you get stuck and have to try a different track. It can take you hours to work out and you end up with so much paper work. But I have found some really interesting facts.
To begin with, one of my relatives died when she had an illegal abortion that went horribly wrong. The woman who did the abortion was subject to two years hard labour after being found guilty of using an illegal instrument inside a body. There was a Coroners hearing and everything. I some how think that at 17, she should probably have gotten married and just had the baby, but instead due to the family and societal attitudes at the time, this young girl died in the prime of her life. Today she would have been allowed to have the baby and just be a single mum, but back then she would have been shunned.
Some of my relatives died before they even started life. Lots of infant mortality, people had big families because some of them died before they even reached 5. It reminded me a lot of Charles Dickens and the lives that he wrote about. Couples having large families so that there was someone to look after them in their old age. Makes sense then, but now, isn't that what the government is for?
Family history is an interesting way to understand your place in the world. But I am learning something more valuable than just names on a page. People are only that - names on a page - until their stories come to life. The young girl who died after an abortion, the kids who dont make the age of 5. The way that people lived and what they did for a living. It makes me keep wondering who is the world before me. What were these people like and am I anything like them? Who knows, but I can't wait to find out......
Monday, May 18, 2009
Break Ups
I've had quite a few interesting break ups in my day.
The ones over the phone, the ones in person and the ones that are texted to you like the person on the other end just doesn't want to face your (don't quite now what would be happening but there you go).
But the most interesting break up was the one that I just had. To begin with, I was going to break up with this man on Facebook, I now a low act, but he did break up with me via text message on my birthday and to be honest revenge was what I had in mind when I thought this senerio up.
But I got brave and decided that the only way to truly have a break up and remain reasonable in the world of exs was to say the words to their face and thats how I ended up with this interesting break up, where my ex still wants to remain friends. I mean real friends, not just the type you have that you say you are going to call and then never do. But, real friends who will be there for each other, should the other ever need them.
And this got me thinking: would that ever work? Would I still be able to look at them and now that I did not have a claim on their lives, even in some small way. But here's the other thing, I am sure that he is more in love with me than I am with him, remember I instigated the break up, so how is this helping him move on? Or does it really mean that he has no intention of moving on, well at least not in the way I would think is healthy.
So, I said yes, I would stay friends....................who knows how this is going to end up, maybe we wont be friends for long...............keep you posted.
The ones over the phone, the ones in person and the ones that are texted to you like the person on the other end just doesn't want to face your (don't quite now what would be happening but there you go).
But the most interesting break up was the one that I just had. To begin with, I was going to break up with this man on Facebook, I now a low act, but he did break up with me via text message on my birthday and to be honest revenge was what I had in mind when I thought this senerio up.
But I got brave and decided that the only way to truly have a break up and remain reasonable in the world of exs was to say the words to their face and thats how I ended up with this interesting break up, where my ex still wants to remain friends. I mean real friends, not just the type you have that you say you are going to call and then never do. But, real friends who will be there for each other, should the other ever need them.
And this got me thinking: would that ever work? Would I still be able to look at them and now that I did not have a claim on their lives, even in some small way. But here's the other thing, I am sure that he is more in love with me than I am with him, remember I instigated the break up, so how is this helping him move on? Or does it really mean that he has no intention of moving on, well at least not in the way I would think is healthy.
So, I said yes, I would stay friends....................who knows how this is going to end up, maybe we wont be friends for long...............keep you posted.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
relationship angst
I didn’t realise that relationships were so difficult. I didn’t understand what it meant to love someone and hope that they would love you in return. The waiting and wondering if what you are doing is the right thing or if it is just going to put you in the dog house for who knows how many hours and days. Hoping that you are doing it right and wondering most of the time what the other person is thinking.
Im in the middle of a relationship. Most of the time it is fantastic, loving and kind. But some of the time I desperately need an air bag for the crash that is happening. The way that you cant seem to say or do the right thing. The way things that have happened leave you wondering if this is all you are going to get again in your life. I mean I left my marriage because I wasn’t in love with the person is this relationship that I am having at the moment the karma that I got for that. Have I not apologised enough for falling out of love with one man, that another gets to treat me any way he wants.
And if this is karma what else did I not take notice of in my previous relationship to deserve this. What did I do that was absolutely so awful that I needed to have this in return? I know that I was not always the best wife, who knows how you are really meant to be that. No manual has ever been written about how to be the best wife in the post feminist world. So I know that I was only doing the best that I could at the time when problems were presented to me. But why do I need this karma in return????
They say that karma has a way of making you understand. That its there to ensure that you are able to atone for sins that you may or may not have seen coming. But what happens when you acknowledge karma and it still kicks your arse all over the place. I always thought that my ex would be the one who would have karma kick his arse but of course that is not to be, he has a fiancé, they seem to be happily in love and I have a relationship that is starting to look as though it is past its used by date.
The worst thing is I don’t know what to really do. Do you hang around and hope that the good days return or do you cut your losses and run because you know that is all you have left in you. I know that its gonna hurt lots of people, A, me and the kids (in some weird way). Ahhh………..what am I going to do? What is the answer? Maybe more thinking time is what is needed right now.
Im in the middle of a relationship. Most of the time it is fantastic, loving and kind. But some of the time I desperately need an air bag for the crash that is happening. The way that you cant seem to say or do the right thing. The way things that have happened leave you wondering if this is all you are going to get again in your life. I mean I left my marriage because I wasn’t in love with the person is this relationship that I am having at the moment the karma that I got for that. Have I not apologised enough for falling out of love with one man, that another gets to treat me any way he wants.
And if this is karma what else did I not take notice of in my previous relationship to deserve this. What did I do that was absolutely so awful that I needed to have this in return? I know that I was not always the best wife, who knows how you are really meant to be that. No manual has ever been written about how to be the best wife in the post feminist world. So I know that I was only doing the best that I could at the time when problems were presented to me. But why do I need this karma in return????
They say that karma has a way of making you understand. That its there to ensure that you are able to atone for sins that you may or may not have seen coming. But what happens when you acknowledge karma and it still kicks your arse all over the place. I always thought that my ex would be the one who would have karma kick his arse but of course that is not to be, he has a fiancé, they seem to be happily in love and I have a relationship that is starting to look as though it is past its used by date.
The worst thing is I don’t know what to really do. Do you hang around and hope that the good days return or do you cut your losses and run because you know that is all you have left in you. I know that its gonna hurt lots of people, A, me and the kids (in some weird way). Ahhh………..what am I going to do? What is the answer? Maybe more thinking time is what is needed right now.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Night Love
Lying there beside you,
Holding you close
Feeling your hope
Feeling your heart
Hoping to chase away
The ghosts of relationships past
Stars overhead
Silence all around
Wondering, hoping, knowing
That you are what I found.
Roughness seeps through
What lays underneath
Stars, bright, shining
Reflected in your eyes
Who said love was simple?
Who said love was kind?
Be there, hold me
Until I'm crazy next time.
Holding you close
Feeling your hope
Feeling your heart
Hoping to chase away
The ghosts of relationships past
Stars overhead
Silence all around
Wondering, hoping, knowing
That you are what I found.
Roughness seeps through
What lays underneath
Stars, bright, shining
Reflected in your eyes
Who said love was simple?
Who said love was kind?
Be there, hold me
Until I'm crazy next time.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Men!!!!!
What is it aobut men that makes us think that we can understand them?
I know that the book states that they come from a completely different planet to us, what was it Venus or Mars, Im really hoping Mars at this moment. Martians and men, Im sure that they would make the perfect combination.
But what is it about them, that makes them so hard to understand? I mean take today. A was upset, life was not treating him as well as he would have wanted, and yet there was nothing that I could do that would cheer him up. I tried trust me, I tried all the tricks I knew and then just for good measure all the tricks that I normally try on my children, nothing!!!!!
But, then he makes one phone call and the smile is back on his face and he can not understand why I am so upset. Hello!!! What had I just been trying to do all day???? Have you forgotten everything that I had tried so far?
What made it worst was that he got all upset because I was upset at what he did. Please, you have to understand how that would look for a woman. She has tried and been rejected, but someone on the end of a phone has changed everything for you.
Maybe being single, really single has an appeal for me at this moment anyway.
I know that the book states that they come from a completely different planet to us, what was it Venus or Mars, Im really hoping Mars at this moment. Martians and men, Im sure that they would make the perfect combination.
But what is it about them, that makes them so hard to understand? I mean take today. A was upset, life was not treating him as well as he would have wanted, and yet there was nothing that I could do that would cheer him up. I tried trust me, I tried all the tricks I knew and then just for good measure all the tricks that I normally try on my children, nothing!!!!!
But, then he makes one phone call and the smile is back on his face and he can not understand why I am so upset. Hello!!! What had I just been trying to do all day???? Have you forgotten everything that I had tried so far?
What made it worst was that he got all upset because I was upset at what he did. Please, you have to understand how that would look for a woman. She has tried and been rejected, but someone on the end of a phone has changed everything for you.
Maybe being single, really single has an appeal for me at this moment anyway.
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