This morning as I was standing in the pre dawn light waiting for the local dawn service and listening to the people as they congregated around the centotaph I realised that this day is one of the true days when we get to celebrate exactly who we are.
People came from all over, the police officers on duty, the fire men who had not been called out and the bikies (the ones that we have heard so much about lately), came together with veterans and others who wanted to pay their most humbling respects.
What I was thinking as I was standing there, was not about what had happened all those years ago to ensure that today is forever marked in our lives, but what would I have done if I was placed in the same position as those men (and later women) who sarcrified so much for things they didn't understand?
They didn't understand the political nature of war, the didn't understand what could happen on foreign shores and I really don't think they understood that the people they were fighting didn't know why people were invading their nation. Weren't the Turks just as justified in protecting their country, just like we felt justified protecting our own when needed?
I was worried as I stood there, that many of the veterans there were getting older and older and that one day they will not be there to remember, that it will be up to their children and their children's children to remember what happened so long ago on foriegn lands.
But it wasn't until I got home and I started reading the paper, that I realised nothing that happened 94 years ago has changed anything for the people of the world. Fighting is still going on in places were our troops are still stationed.
I know that as I stood there in pre dawn light I felt proud of people who have fought and are still fighting for our good. That their sacrifice is our life, and the one that we cherish and a lot of the time take for granted.
And if you meet a veteran today, or any day take the time to say "thank you". I'm sure they will understand your platitude.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Chooks
Okay, I have a huge confession to make.
I hate birds and more importantly I hate my chickens. They are ugly animals and they make my skin crawl. They are all brown, except for the ugliest white bird I have ever seen. You see its not that the chickens have done anything wrong, its just that they are birds.
When I was younger I had an incident with a packet of chips and an emu and that has lead to this insane phobia of all birds. I keep thinking that they are only thinking about ways to peck out my eyes and that in a mob that would be easier than anything that they have ever tried to do before.
But it gets worst, since the kids are not happily with their dad for a while I am now expected to be able to look after these animals. Feed and water I can do, throwing the food in as quickly as possible and filling up their water containers from outside the cage. But we have run into a problem, egg collection.
You see all through summer they have not been laying. Something about it being to hot and not getting enough of something, god only knows what though. But I think that now that their primary carer has left for a while, they have started again. They are making all the right noises and they seem to greet the morning with more gusto then they ever have before. One thing can only be happening in that cage each morning, egg production must have started again. Ahhhh…………………how am I going to get them?
You see Im all right with the idea of throwing food at them and watering from the outside, but stepping into that cage, please pluck my eyebrows with a hot poker. A cant at the moment make the time to go into the cage and as I said their primary carer is away. What am I meant to do? Im not ready to over come my phobia just yet, in fact I want to cling to it like a stranded passenger on the Titanic clinging to a lifeboat.
So that is the latest dilemma on the farm, realistically it’s the only dilemma on the farm at the moment. That and trying to work out which part of the fence the dogs are escaping from now.
I hate birds and more importantly I hate my chickens. They are ugly animals and they make my skin crawl. They are all brown, except for the ugliest white bird I have ever seen. You see its not that the chickens have done anything wrong, its just that they are birds.
When I was younger I had an incident with a packet of chips and an emu and that has lead to this insane phobia of all birds. I keep thinking that they are only thinking about ways to peck out my eyes and that in a mob that would be easier than anything that they have ever tried to do before.
But it gets worst, since the kids are not happily with their dad for a while I am now expected to be able to look after these animals. Feed and water I can do, throwing the food in as quickly as possible and filling up their water containers from outside the cage. But we have run into a problem, egg collection.
You see all through summer they have not been laying. Something about it being to hot and not getting enough of something, god only knows what though. But I think that now that their primary carer has left for a while, they have started again. They are making all the right noises and they seem to greet the morning with more gusto then they ever have before. One thing can only be happening in that cage each morning, egg production must have started again. Ahhhh…………………how am I going to get them?
You see Im all right with the idea of throwing food at them and watering from the outside, but stepping into that cage, please pluck my eyebrows with a hot poker. A cant at the moment make the time to go into the cage and as I said their primary carer is away. What am I meant to do? Im not ready to over come my phobia just yet, in fact I want to cling to it like a stranded passenger on the Titanic clinging to a lifeboat.
So that is the latest dilemma on the farm, realistically it’s the only dilemma on the farm at the moment. That and trying to work out which part of the fence the dogs are escaping from now.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
relationship angst
I didn’t realise that relationships were so difficult. I didn’t understand what it meant to love someone and hope that they would love you in return. The waiting and wondering if what you are doing is the right thing or if it is just going to put you in the dog house for who knows how many hours and days. Hoping that you are doing it right and wondering most of the time what the other person is thinking.
Im in the middle of a relationship. Most of the time it is fantastic, loving and kind. But some of the time I desperately need an air bag for the crash that is happening. The way that you cant seem to say or do the right thing. The way things that have happened leave you wondering if this is all you are going to get again in your life. I mean I left my marriage because I wasn’t in love with the person is this relationship that I am having at the moment the karma that I got for that. Have I not apologised enough for falling out of love with one man, that another gets to treat me any way he wants.
And if this is karma what else did I not take notice of in my previous relationship to deserve this. What did I do that was absolutely so awful that I needed to have this in return? I know that I was not always the best wife, who knows how you are really meant to be that. No manual has ever been written about how to be the best wife in the post feminist world. So I know that I was only doing the best that I could at the time when problems were presented to me. But why do I need this karma in return????
They say that karma has a way of making you understand. That its there to ensure that you are able to atone for sins that you may or may not have seen coming. But what happens when you acknowledge karma and it still kicks your arse all over the place. I always thought that my ex would be the one who would have karma kick his arse but of course that is not to be, he has a fiancé, they seem to be happily in love and I have a relationship that is starting to look as though it is past its used by date.
The worst thing is I don’t know what to really do. Do you hang around and hope that the good days return or do you cut your losses and run because you know that is all you have left in you. I know that its gonna hurt lots of people, A, me and the kids (in some weird way). Ahhh………..what am I going to do? What is the answer? Maybe more thinking time is what is needed right now.
Im in the middle of a relationship. Most of the time it is fantastic, loving and kind. But some of the time I desperately need an air bag for the crash that is happening. The way that you cant seem to say or do the right thing. The way things that have happened leave you wondering if this is all you are going to get again in your life. I mean I left my marriage because I wasn’t in love with the person is this relationship that I am having at the moment the karma that I got for that. Have I not apologised enough for falling out of love with one man, that another gets to treat me any way he wants.
And if this is karma what else did I not take notice of in my previous relationship to deserve this. What did I do that was absolutely so awful that I needed to have this in return? I know that I was not always the best wife, who knows how you are really meant to be that. No manual has ever been written about how to be the best wife in the post feminist world. So I know that I was only doing the best that I could at the time when problems were presented to me. But why do I need this karma in return????
They say that karma has a way of making you understand. That its there to ensure that you are able to atone for sins that you may or may not have seen coming. But what happens when you acknowledge karma and it still kicks your arse all over the place. I always thought that my ex would be the one who would have karma kick his arse but of course that is not to be, he has a fiancé, they seem to be happily in love and I have a relationship that is starting to look as though it is past its used by date.
The worst thing is I don’t know what to really do. Do you hang around and hope that the good days return or do you cut your losses and run because you know that is all you have left in you. I know that its gonna hurt lots of people, A, me and the kids (in some weird way). Ahhh………..what am I going to do? What is the answer? Maybe more thinking time is what is needed right now.
Friday, April 17, 2009
when women turn
So the kids have gone to their dad's for the next 2 weeks at least. After that they will be living with their dad for a few months. I am going to miss them terribly. But I have decided that I need to be selfish about something.
To me I have always put everyone first. Nothing was ever to big or to small, everything needed to be done in the way they wanted. J never ever lets me playstation for this simple reason. E thinks that I am strange at times, and sometimes will only let me listen to certain music which then she gets to dance with me. So to be honest I am a little bit scared of being selfish, what happens if it is all just to much for the kids and they decide they want to stay with their dad indefinitely? Does that mean that being selfish is not something that a woman is allowed to do?
That is what I am thinking about. When is it okay to be selfish when you are a mother? When is okay to want something that has nothing to do with your children? I have read many books about what woman lose when they decide to put themselves first. We are conditioned as children to look up to the mother who is able to combine work and play successfully, if she has a husband then she is suppose to fulfill his needs as well. Even in sitcoms the most successful women are the ones that are able to never be to selflish but can also deliver her lines in a funny and interesting way - all this on top of looking absolutely perfect. Ah, if only life was a sitcom right?
Well, its not. When I first told my people what I was thinking of doing for a while, comments ran along the way that I was being selfish and I really needed to think about this thoughougly. But if this was some mans decision, then it would be accepted as what he had to do to complete his career path. Being part of the post feminist era I thought that a career was my right as well, that woman didn't just have jobs for a small amount of time but a career that they could be proud of and something that they could enjoy, heaven forbid they ever actually admit to that. At my girl's school growing up I thought that the school motto was "Girls can do anything" (Girls high school), so where they only setting me up for failure?
If we are telling our girls that they are able to do anything they want why then do we punish them when they try? I am hoping that I am bringing up E to believe that she is able to do anything that she puts her mind to. I am hoping that she believes that is allowed by society to think that she has the capabilities to do anything, and if she is offered something that makes her a little bit selfish than I am hoping that she takes the position and knows that society as a whole, and the people who love her in particular will be there for her no matter what.
To me I have always put everyone first. Nothing was ever to big or to small, everything needed to be done in the way they wanted. J never ever lets me playstation for this simple reason. E thinks that I am strange at times, and sometimes will only let me listen to certain music which then she gets to dance with me. So to be honest I am a little bit scared of being selfish, what happens if it is all just to much for the kids and they decide they want to stay with their dad indefinitely? Does that mean that being selfish is not something that a woman is allowed to do?
That is what I am thinking about. When is it okay to be selfish when you are a mother? When is okay to want something that has nothing to do with your children? I have read many books about what woman lose when they decide to put themselves first. We are conditioned as children to look up to the mother who is able to combine work and play successfully, if she has a husband then she is suppose to fulfill his needs as well. Even in sitcoms the most successful women are the ones that are able to never be to selflish but can also deliver her lines in a funny and interesting way - all this on top of looking absolutely perfect. Ah, if only life was a sitcom right?
Well, its not. When I first told my people what I was thinking of doing for a while, comments ran along the way that I was being selfish and I really needed to think about this thoughougly. But if this was some mans decision, then it would be accepted as what he had to do to complete his career path. Being part of the post feminist era I thought that a career was my right as well, that woman didn't just have jobs for a small amount of time but a career that they could be proud of and something that they could enjoy, heaven forbid they ever actually admit to that. At my girl's school growing up I thought that the school motto was "Girls can do anything" (Girls high school), so where they only setting me up for failure?
If we are telling our girls that they are able to do anything they want why then do we punish them when they try? I am hoping that I am bringing up E to believe that she is able to do anything that she puts her mind to. I am hoping that she believes that is allowed by society to think that she has the capabilities to do anything, and if she is offered something that makes her a little bit selfish than I am hoping that she takes the position and knows that society as a whole, and the people who love her in particular will be there for her no matter what.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter
So Easter is just about done. The eggs have been handed out and there will be belly aches tonite from the amount of chocolate that was consumed. They tell me that chocolate is good for you, so I'm really not all that worried. No dark chocolate to be seen but kids don't know the difference, so just for one day neither do I.
Apart from all of that we had our own little resserection this morning, in the form of our two dogs. They had been missing since Palm Thursday and after being unable to locate them on Good Friday I had, mistakenly so it had turned out, believe them to be dead. So imagine my surprise when this morning there they were, happy to see me and really hungry. To me it was almost a miracle, especially considering where we live, where they is bush but not much else. I was so happy to see them that I nearly cried. Proclaiming loudly to the little ones that a true Easter miracle had happened.
Well, let me tell you by midday, when the barking had gotten to epic proportions I thought that it was a miracle that they were still alive. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my dogs. I love them so much that some people think that Im actually crazy. But this incessant barking that they had brought home was doing my head in. I understood that they were upset because the chooks were out, so they had to be chained up. I understood that all they wanted to do was run around the place, but that had just spent three days running so what did they really need to keep moving for?
In the end, we had to shut up the chooks early and let the dogs roam free. Now Im just hoping that the fence I fixed this morning will be enough to keep them in.
Happy Easter all..................
Apart from all of that we had our own little resserection this morning, in the form of our two dogs. They had been missing since Palm Thursday and after being unable to locate them on Good Friday I had, mistakenly so it had turned out, believe them to be dead. So imagine my surprise when this morning there they were, happy to see me and really hungry. To me it was almost a miracle, especially considering where we live, where they is bush but not much else. I was so happy to see them that I nearly cried. Proclaiming loudly to the little ones that a true Easter miracle had happened.
Well, let me tell you by midday, when the barking had gotten to epic proportions I thought that it was a miracle that they were still alive. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my dogs. I love them so much that some people think that Im actually crazy. But this incessant barking that they had brought home was doing my head in. I understood that they were upset because the chooks were out, so they had to be chained up. I understood that all they wanted to do was run around the place, but that had just spent three days running so what did they really need to keep moving for?
In the end, we had to shut up the chooks early and let the dogs roam free. Now Im just hoping that the fence I fixed this morning will be enough to keep them in.
Happy Easter all..................
Saturday, April 11, 2009
And then came the rain............
Well, it has finally happened the rain has finally come and boy has it set in for the weekend - same thing happened last Easter and it was earlier in the year.
I love the rain when it starts, the way it makes everything nice and new looking. The water shinning off leaves and grass and making the air smell as though only newness can happen. I love the rain when it continues for a few hours. Snuggling under a blanket, reading or just watching TV. I love the idea that nothing exists outside, or at least in your own mind.
The only problem is when the rain doesn't stop. When the it continues and continues and you know that there is going to be no letting up. Its a little scary, especially where I live. The causeways fill up with water and the water covers the road in places that are normally dry. But as they keep filling up then you start to wonder, am I going to be stuck at home for longer than planned. Will my food supply keep me until I can get out?????
But does this not allow the other beliefs that I have about my life to be finally fulfilled? I love coming home on Friday nite and not going back into town until Monday, when work is calling. The fact that I dont want to leave here when I have the ability seems to be completely backflipped when I do have the ability not to leave here. Why does this happen??? I am still at odds to understand this.
But if we are flooded in, what happens then? The kids will only be able to occupy their time for so long, I will need supplies (both personal and food wise) and I will need contact with other people. Just someone to have a coffee with, someone to have a laugh with, just someone that knows how to debate. Now Im not saying that the kids are awful people or that I dont like spending time with them but I am thinking that at some point I am going to need adult company. That's one of the reasons that I go to work on Monday morning.
And here is the other problem that i have - a huge pile of washing and no dryer. Now I have been living this way for a long time but its only when the real comes that I remember that at some point I am actually going to need to buy a real dryer. Ahh.....I wonder what will come first the Government stimulus package or the sunshine.........well just have to wait and see.
I love the rain when it starts, the way it makes everything nice and new looking. The water shinning off leaves and grass and making the air smell as though only newness can happen. I love the rain when it continues for a few hours. Snuggling under a blanket, reading or just watching TV. I love the idea that nothing exists outside, or at least in your own mind.
The only problem is when the rain doesn't stop. When the it continues and continues and you know that there is going to be no letting up. Its a little scary, especially where I live. The causeways fill up with water and the water covers the road in places that are normally dry. But as they keep filling up then you start to wonder, am I going to be stuck at home for longer than planned. Will my food supply keep me until I can get out?????
But does this not allow the other beliefs that I have about my life to be finally fulfilled? I love coming home on Friday nite and not going back into town until Monday, when work is calling. The fact that I dont want to leave here when I have the ability seems to be completely backflipped when I do have the ability not to leave here. Why does this happen??? I am still at odds to understand this.
But if we are flooded in, what happens then? The kids will only be able to occupy their time for so long, I will need supplies (both personal and food wise) and I will need contact with other people. Just someone to have a coffee with, someone to have a laugh with, just someone that knows how to debate. Now Im not saying that the kids are awful people or that I dont like spending time with them but I am thinking that at some point I am going to need adult company. That's one of the reasons that I go to work on Monday morning.
And here is the other problem that i have - a huge pile of washing and no dryer. Now I have been living this way for a long time but its only when the real comes that I remember that at some point I am actually going to need to buy a real dryer. Ahh.....I wonder what will come first the Government stimulus package or the sunshine.........well just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Almost there
So the school holidays are getting closer. One day left of others people's children and I get to spend a few days with my own.
It scares me just a little bit, what am i going to do with my own children? I think that sometimes I have forgotten to have fun with them. What happens when they want to play games? I mean I don't really do games, I know they are able to teach children many valuable things, sportsmanship, fairness and respect for others. But Im not a game person. To be completely honest, they bore me. There you are, please mark me down as a bad parent, but I dont like games. I don't like having to sit there and pretend that what is happening on the board is actually interesting me. Maybe that is why they are called "bored" games!!!!
The other day I swapped board games for nail polish. Now Im not really a girly-girl either. But it was definately preferable to Monopoly. The only game I know that is suppose to teach real life money skills, but when could you ever buy a property for only $500. Maybe 50 years ago, but seriously today, unless you have 1/2 a million dollars you really have no look in. Real life skills, huh!!!!!
I don't mind playing Playstation with my son, well up until a point. That point usually happens when my son tells my quiet earnestly that I don't play like Im suppose to and if I am not going to play properly then I should just go away. Well, who died and made him king of the playstation. I havent had a chance to play playstation in about 6 months. Secretly I am just waiting for them to go and visit their dad so that i can have a whole day just to myself with junk food and racing games.
Now, that is what I call fun, where games are concerned.
So what am I going to do with children during the next few days, that doesn't involve board games or money? Now that really is a challenge.
It scares me just a little bit, what am i going to do with my own children? I think that sometimes I have forgotten to have fun with them. What happens when they want to play games? I mean I don't really do games, I know they are able to teach children many valuable things, sportsmanship, fairness and respect for others. But Im not a game person. To be completely honest, they bore me. There you are, please mark me down as a bad parent, but I dont like games. I don't like having to sit there and pretend that what is happening on the board is actually interesting me. Maybe that is why they are called "bored" games!!!!
The other day I swapped board games for nail polish. Now Im not really a girly-girl either. But it was definately preferable to Monopoly. The only game I know that is suppose to teach real life money skills, but when could you ever buy a property for only $500. Maybe 50 years ago, but seriously today, unless you have 1/2 a million dollars you really have no look in. Real life skills, huh!!!!!
I don't mind playing Playstation with my son, well up until a point. That point usually happens when my son tells my quiet earnestly that I don't play like Im suppose to and if I am not going to play properly then I should just go away. Well, who died and made him king of the playstation. I havent had a chance to play playstation in about 6 months. Secretly I am just waiting for them to go and visit their dad so that i can have a whole day just to myself with junk food and racing games.
Now, that is what I call fun, where games are concerned.
So what am I going to do with children during the next few days, that doesn't involve board games or money? Now that really is a challenge.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Sydney
I went to Sydney over the weekend for work.
I love going to Sydney, I love the concept of flying in and then out of a place that I like visiting but not living in. I love the shops and the availability of food. But just one thing gets me about Sydney the people.
Now don't get me wrong. I have lived there for a very long time before I moved and I don't think I noticed the way people were. The way that they look at you, when you say hello to them as you are walking down the street. Or the fact that when you slide past them they hold their handbags or wallets just a little closer to themselves.
Maybe they have been brought up to believe the worst in people, or maybe they have been so bombarded with messages from the media that if a person tries acts friendly then you need to act a certain way. But why, would they look that way at me. I mean I smile at them, I nod my head in a most agreeable way, and I make eye contact. I dont look like a mad man (woman) or any one that is going to do something so why do they always look like that at me?
Maybe I need to change my approach. Maybe I should forget that for the last few months I have lived in a place where people are open and friendly. It makes me miss home all the more and this weekend that is the only place I wanted to be.
I love going to Sydney, I love the concept of flying in and then out of a place that I like visiting but not living in. I love the shops and the availability of food. But just one thing gets me about Sydney the people.
Now don't get me wrong. I have lived there for a very long time before I moved and I don't think I noticed the way people were. The way that they look at you, when you say hello to them as you are walking down the street. Or the fact that when you slide past them they hold their handbags or wallets just a little closer to themselves.
Maybe they have been brought up to believe the worst in people, or maybe they have been so bombarded with messages from the media that if a person tries acts friendly then you need to act a certain way. But why, would they look that way at me. I mean I smile at them, I nod my head in a most agreeable way, and I make eye contact. I dont look like a mad man (woman) or any one that is going to do something so why do they always look like that at me?
Maybe I need to change my approach. Maybe I should forget that for the last few months I have lived in a place where people are open and friendly. It makes me miss home all the more and this weekend that is the only place I wanted to be.
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